Understanding Inner Conflict
Anil Lund, California U.S.A

Our true nature is shrouded, encased and covered in veils of imposed identity and as we go through our journey, with our without our choosing there is introspection. Self-examination is aimed at trying to discover true identity and purpose. Initially, this awakening should now make our true and newly discovered identity the only self that will be. This is easier said but on the same hand not difficult if approached with caution and guidance. Sanatana Dharma or Hinduism as it is more commonly referred to today, has concise teachings and detailed instructions for this end.

The Guru is vital as having realized the truth, understands the pitfalls, the temptations and distractions that can occur in our Sadhana. He ensures that progress is thorough and in keeping with one's capacity, temperament, that ground gained is not lost by our oscillation back to our older, more conditioned identity. The temptation for this oscillation can get severe if one has had much exposure to the material and has not methodically and surely replaced Older Limiting Samskaras by The All Positive, Timeless and Ageless Supreme Truth. The foundation on which we will once again stand in our true nature cannot hold but one superstructure, there is no place for the conditioned minds meddlesome ways which only causes conflict.

As we embark on the journey of self-realization, several error messages from our conditioned mind will arise. Messages which will attempt to throw us off course, these are not from God but from within our own conditioning as it realizing upcoming introspection fights for survival The conditioned mind will cause us to compare, judge and reason with seemingly flawless rationale. Judging is not necessary at all as if we accept the premonition that God has made us all in his image, we must accept then that we are of him and he is in us. Some get deluded as they go through the annals of this life, using distorted understanding and for opinions which are nothing more than additional layers of self-imposed conditioning, getting us even further away from our true nature (Godliness) We are born complete, all knowing and with inner peace as our true nature, the more we stray away from ourselves from our own nature and for a longer period, we form impressions on our consciousness. We then confuse this as our real identity and use every other means at our disposal to defend the same, it soon becomes a battle within, one of survival of our own selves, everything else becomes a part in the play as we then seem to live in pain, suffering and eternal anguish. We fleet from passion to passion, trying to satisfy a craving for focus, for identification with oneself and only find the same for short moments as all external is subject to change being non-eternal. Our soul, our true nature is eternal and will never be satisfied by the non-eternal, the match never occurs and the frustration builds, the walls of inner conditioning get taller, we becomes slaves of illusion.

It is not our purpose to judge others, we are of the Lord and should accept that he dwells within. Just like children with new found freedom, we too go astray and our parents guide us back with love, patience and compassion. Lord Shiva too does the same but with a endless level of tolerance. He alone is our father and mother, his love and compassion knows no bounds, he gives us endless choices and protects us even when we turn our backs on him willfully and in every way. All he wants is our love, for us to accept him as to do so is to bask in his divine glory but fail to realize this eternal truth. We refuse him, ignore him, shun him and deliberately go the other way, the way of sorrow, the way of pain and suffering. Through all of this, Lord Shiva still keeps a non-extinguishable light on our journey, eagerly awaiting our return back to him, to ourselves with steadfast love, like a true and loving father. He accepts us back, no explanations asked for or needed. This is all the result of his Cosmic Dance.

Our pain and sufferings are the result of our choices, the result of our thoughts and of our actions. As we sow, so we reap. We have all that is needed to change and live a life purposeful, one in harmony and without the confusion of duality in thought or deed. We must go back to the source to first understand our own nature, (Satchidananda), the source is ingrained within in our permanent, non-erasable database. We have not even realized that we were born with this wonderful held program built into God's Operating System. We are the peak of his creation and have been made in his likeness, physical for is not important. bodies, shapes, sizes may vary but the inner mechanisms are the same. We are perfect and have not and will not ever either need an upgrade or fully tap our potential unless we once again merge with the server, with The Lord Himself.

The formula is simple, Man = God + Ego, Man - Ego = God. This eternal truth has been echoed in all religions, in all truths and by the wise over the centuries in different words and languages. The truth is always absolute and not subject to change. We may ask that if the truth has always been known, why then the need for our journey, especially through the jungle of "Maya" (illusion). There is absolutely no way to fully understand, have all the senses, possess all the faculties unless one clearly understands and accepts the limitations and purposes of each. We do allow our children to make mistakes for we find that those lessons will be the most long lasting and worthwhile. Mistakes and errors reinforce the truth if put in proper context. Constant errors without correction can result in habits, which lead to thought, inturn to action and inturn to additional conditioning. This illusionary threshold is most harmful and the source of what we call suffering. Freedom from this bondage is here and now, in this life and amidst all of his creation. There is nothing special needed and nowhere special to go. All we have to do is to first still ourselves as it is not possible to see what is in chaos. Stilling oneself may seem difficult as we are used to going 100 miles per hour in every direction at the same time but just like a pond, it will only show the reflection of what surrounds it if there are no ripples as ripples cause distortion and loss of clarity. So, we must stop throwing pebbles, and simply observe, in the stillness of this observation, in the attitude of a non-participant, focus is achieved and reality is revealed.

Non-participation does not mean actionless, it simply means detached action, action done as our duty in life, action done to strengthen our innerselves, our resolute and true nature, one without the greed of fruit or reward, action without the big "I" or "EGO", one without a selfish motive, by such action, we will never be bound. Introduce the "I", we now have a subject, the thought or action becomes the object and the relationship gets established, we are in a contractual agreement with illusion and now must bear the fruits of both thought and deed as part of our developmental process. Action done without the "I" cannot get us into a contract as contracts need two parties and cannot be made from one onto itself!

Lord Krishna states in The Srimad Bhagvad Geeta II-47, "The right is to work only, let not fruit-of-action be thy motive, nor let there be attachment to inaction."

Simplicity is the height of cultivation, halfway cultivation is ornamentation, it is like the old axiom, "Having our cake and eating it too." Lighten your pack, lighten the burden, conduct a good spring cleaning without waiting for spring. Air out the laundry and learn how to let go of what does not belong, avoid a system overload with all the junk shareware, hoping that it may come in handy some day. Man is not capable of upgrading God's Creation. We are of him, this is the eternal reminder which must echo and pulsate in every moment until time is irrelevant and we are free.

Desperation is a futile attempt to satisfy an inner longing by whatever means possible, by fooling ourselves. Passion is the reflection, the personification of inner turmoil, this inner turmoil or passion not satisfied results in anger and anger causes one to walk the path of self-destruction. If we are born complete, there can only be one quest, to stay complete and avoid at all costs, "Fragmentation." Fragmentation is inner distortion and improper action follows improper thinking very closely. The choice is ours and now.

Each of us will do his or her own bidding, you have no control over the actions of others. In time, we will all surely reach the absolute as our Samskaras must be sorted out. There must be no doubts within as we prepare to cross over to the threshold of reunification with "Shiva" The Cosmic Dancer. He has created this masterful plan for our total success, it may seem like an expensive price sometimes but no learning takes place without trial and error. This is the Lords Classroom, the Class is in secession, the lessons eternal, the curriculum well laid out. We need to ensure our attentiveness is absolute and our "Shradha" uncompromising. The instruction is of the highest caliber incorporating theory, practical application, research on our part and study assignments. If we accept that mistakes are accepted in achieving finite knowledge in a familiar setting and knowledge, we must now surely understand why our journey must take the turns it does. The Lord has cushioned our every fall, graced us with never-ending tolerance and bound himself to us by unparalleled love, we cannot fail.

To fail in our Sadhna is not possible as we can only veer off path a little before we are alerted by our built in navigation system will let us know of this deviation. It is however incumbent on each one of us to recognize these warnings and indicator soundings. We must then simply follow the prompts and steer back on course to correct the path. Sooner or later our experiences and circumstances find a match ensuring only success. Consider the example of any high value product we may purchase. We cannot blame a manufacturer or hold him liable for a function of a product if we fail to follow the product's usage and maintenance instructions. His warranty is only good if the product is used in accordance with instructions. He has the right to terminate or nullify the product warranty if neglect or deliberate wrong doing is found to be the cause. What is strange is how we ever so carefully read the product instructions, how quickly we send in the warranty card and eager we are to find and pay for an extended warranty agreement for our so called "Sense of inner peace." Why then do we not give Our True Self, The Lords Supreme Creation the same attention? Do we not want the most from this Magnificent Creation of The Being?

As long as you give God the right to guide you in all spiritual things, ignoring all other forces, you will achieve success. The moment you let someone or something else take over, you feel lost. Whenever you seem driven to attain something, still your mind and attempt to find the spiritual equivalent in the object of that which you wish to attain. See the material as mere symbols, an expression of a much deeper need and this filter will bring things back into focus for you. The spiritual equivalency rule is the merging of "Viveka" (discrimination) and "Vichara" (inquiry).

We have the very best permanently installed help program, no other software or hardware is required. We are complete, armed with every tool needed, with all the freedom, all the resources and endless learning space. Time and space have no relevance in our true nature and only find room within paradigms of relevance we provide. We choose conflict by willfully ignoring all the helpful aids provided, surely there is no room to question The Cosmic Dancer or his Dance! Lessons infinite cannot be grasped with or by the finite Be a devoted student, equipped with love and humility make your every effort true in both thought and action. Realize your fullness and be eternally happy, this is your legacy, your true nature and your birthright here. Make it your only focus, do not fail yourself, you will not fail The Lord. Your Sadhna will be not only most fruitful but joyful and unfailing in return. May your path be forever illuminated.

My humble expressions are nothing more than notes kept as the struggle to free myself from grasp and delusion of the conditioned mind. Any errors or inconsistencies are from my own limitations and which I must still work on. I am eternally indebted to the Spiritual Teachings of Swami Sivananandaji, The Divine Life Society, to my Grandparents in arousing the thirst for Divine Nectar, to my loving Mother who exemplifies love and compassion and most of all to The Supreme Lord Shiva who is our Father, May his mercy and love continue to guide and inspire us all.

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